Tuesday, July 10, 2007

An unfortunate epiphany

I have come to a time in my life where I fully realised that people are not nice. I had, thus far, in my life believed that most people have this little spark in them that tells them what is wrong, what is right, what is fair, and who the good people are, and what the right thing to do is.

This has been blown to little itty bitty pieces this last couple of weeks. I won't go into details, but I will say that I have been screwed. I was used.

I feel like the rose coloured glasses have come off and I don't like what I see. People are greedy and cruel, dishonest and generally untrustworthy. It makes me a little depressed to think that these people are out there and that I have to interact with them. It makes me angry to think that they feel they can do whatever they want and use other people like this.

I am usually the person who says, maybe they're just having a bad day. Maybe they didn't mean it like that. Maybe there are extenuating circumstances. I try to go about life with the mantra of: Be nice to others, put out the good vibes and they will come back. Help people when you can. Get help when you need it. Most people are good in their heart of hearts. Work hard and be rewarded. Set goals and you can climb over a mountain to do it. I think in general that I and most other people are nice, helpful, reasonably intelligent and productive persons.

Now, I am NOT the perfect person. Far from it! I'm loud, and usually fail to think of other peoples feelings when I speak. I argue with my husband frequently. I don't recycle (here in Japan). I am easily excitable, and am too honest for my own good sometimes. This is called hoof-in-mouth disease. I can be overly analytical and thus a bit anal retentive. I hate rude people. I mean being rude on purpose to hurt someones feelings etc. I spend too much money on shoes. But I'm a person who can forgive. I may get angry fast, but I cool down just as quickly. I yelled at Richard the other day, I remember being mad, but I couldn't tell you at this point what the hell I was mad about. And people have done things that have hurt me, but I have forgiven them and let them back into my heart because there was lots of room in there for everyone.

That said, this is different. This is a slow burn deep inside my chest. I don't think I've ever felt quite like this before. I wasn't angry at first - I tried to rationalise what had happened and even made excuses for them. I even told myself that I wasn't angry and it was for the best. And then, the glasses fell off. And then, the burn grew. I started to think about how I couldn't believe someone could actually do that. And why! And that they were still doing it to someone else! Then I realised that these people were everywhere!!! Doing it to someone else!!!

I keep wishing I could just put them back on, but now its too late.....

10 comments:

QUASAR9 said...

lol Karaoke, loud, excitable and hoof in mouth disease an explosive combination.
There are plenty of users out there, not a lot we can do about them, but we certainly don't want them to win the day - so chin up, water off a ducks back, het back out there and enjoy the daily play

Delly said...

What goes around, comes around. I know who's destined to fail n it aint you. There are plenty people out there who won't screw you over n in the end I hope some people can feel guilty for there actions, but theres no telling some people!

karaoke queen said...

Q - LOL. Yes, I've been working on taming it down and its certainly alot better than it was. I don't stick it in nearly as much as I used to! :D

Delly - Thanks girl. I'm not so mad today. I know I won't fail, it just bothers me that there are people out there who want you to fail.

osaka jock said...

Everything you said is true, but I think you are a better human being because of the fact you still see the good in people first.

Group hug!!!!

Ookami Machiavelli said...

Of course people are out there who want you to fail...it's survival of the fittest, always has been. Deep down everyone has that demon just waiting to come out and make its debut. Maybe you met someone's one day (it sounds like) and it was an eye opening experience if nothing else. I know it sucks to hear that, but it's all training. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Oh, and don't trust anyone, people are consistently fallible, including yourself in that so don't think for a moment that you were being naive either. You'll probably do it to someone one day out of sheer malice. It happens. I'm curious to know who/what/when and especially...why?

karaoke queen said...

Steve - thanks *tear* I needed a hug!

Ookami - Its a long story that requires more than this small space. I will send you a message on facebook.

Ana-chan said...

yaaa... been there done that. I guess that's the cruel world we live in...
try to put the glasses back on...

Charles said...

But you're a good person and that is what matters the most. I am sorry to hear that you were done wrong. May karma bite the evildoer in the ass.

Bec said...

Don't ever let anyone make you doubt yourself! Everyone is different, everyone has their faults, and generally we're all grown-ups and have been able to work out right from wrong! Sounds like they haven't. And if you don't mind me asking, what the heck happened to rile you up like that??

Love, B xo

Kain Highwind said...

Aww, wish I had read this earlier! I could have sworn I checked this blog in the last week...

Don't let people get to you. People SUCK. Sometimes. ;)

But I am sure by now, a week or more later, you're already over it anyway. Sorry to hear things went so wrong! *hugs*